Bug's Bleat - - GCF: In the Bible

Volume 10, Issue 32 Friday, August 08, 2008

Hello All,

Are you having a rough time? Do you feel like you can’t go on? In every circumstance, God has already made provision. If we follow his will, his plan leads us through. If we stumble, he revises the plan and leads us through. His Cardinal Rule is "Lo, I am with you always."
Try him out. You won’t be disappointed.
~~~~~
Annette, Verna Carter, Mary Cranford and Teresa Pinner have been attending “Water Aerobics” classes at SAU. This week, the instructor invited them to bring guests to the last four classes so I joined them Tuesday evening.
It’s been extremely hot this week and the water was refreshing. It felt great to splash around in the pool. Well, it did until the “Water Nazi” started the class.
Oh she started innocently enough, just a few warm up exercises. Bending our legs, waving our arms under the water, deep breathing, stuff like that. Things designed to lull you into a false sense of “this isn’t so bad.”
Then she starts with the upper body stuff, “just pick up the little foam dumb bells and wave them.” “No, keep waving them” with your arms stretched out you wave those little torture instruments until you scapulas are screaming in pain and agony.
O.K. she’s going to let us take a break. Relax our arms and just wave them through the water gently. “While you’re doing that, start flexing your knees.” “Point your toes, bend your knees, and start doing side straddle hops.” Yes, just like we did in Jr high PE class, except I don’t remember doing 50 reps in Jr high.
Once she had us “Warmed up.” the real exercise started. Constant bending, flexing, hopping, leaping, waving, until, at the end of the hour, Annette, Verna and Mary had to help me out of the pool. Once I was out of the water, I managed to crawl to the Yukon by myself.
The problem was; it’s so far from the ground to the seat in the Yukon. I considered just lying on the ground with the fire ants instead of trying to get into the vehicle. But Annette kept encouraging me and I got into the vehicle.
My next problem was trying to drive when I was sweating so much that it was hard to see through the fountain of water pouring off my head. How can this be? I was in a cool pool and now I’m in an air conditioned vehicle but I’m drowning in sweat.
Water Aerobics is supposed to be “low impact” isn’t it? I’d hate to be in a “high impact” class.
~~~~~
We have new stairs. David and Dusty came over last Saturday and built new wood stair treads to cover the broken tile treads between the living room and kitchen. They match our living room floor and really look sharp.
~~~~~
How One Awesome Kid Spent His Summer Vacation - - DarynKagan.com
~~~~~
Important Message for Anyone Interested in Albemarle Hourly Jobs!

Please pass this information along to anyone that may be interested in an hourly job with Albemarle. The WAGE Industrial certificate is a requirement for all Albemarle/Magnolia hourly jobs - this requirement has to be met (unless the person had passed the Albemarle pre-employment test that was given several years ago) before the Workforce Center (Employment Office) will give out an Albemarle application for employment.
~~~~~
Congratulations to Ricky Shepherd, Nationally Registered EMT-I

Ricky Shepherd has successfully completed all requirements and obtained certification as an Emergency Medical Technician-Intermediate (EMT-I). The EMT-I is authorized to provide more advanced medical treatment, including several more invasive procedures than are allowed at the basic level, including IV therapy and the use of multi-lumen airway devices.
~~~~~
Pattie Stephenson’s Tanzanian Mission Report
~
THE FOLLOWING IS A MESSAGE FROM MY LEADERS, EGON AND HANNAH FALK.
GOD BLESS YOU! PATTIE
~
DOES GOD STILL CREATE MIRACLES?

Try to ask that question to Mark Penick from Magnolia Arkansas, USA who together with his wife Crystal came to visit us and also attended a crusade in South Tanzania.

Every day an old shaking man (sick with Parkinson) came forward for prayer. He was shaking so badly and it was impossible not to see him even among all these other people. He also needed help in order to stand on his legs and to walk. We felt so sorry for him, he looked sad and sick. It’s hard to watch people when they suffer without receiving any help! But suddenly during our prayer session and right in front of Mark this old man was healed. The shaking stopped and his legs became strong and he could walk without problem. Marks arms went right into the air and he began to give praise to Jesus, who is so wonderful even today.

Several sick people were healed and one woman with a lot of pain in one of her legs and hardly able to walk began to run on the platform and stamp her foot again and again on the floor, almost not able to understand that she was healed.
A younger girl who was deaf in one ear was able to hear clearly and her grandmother was confirming this healing.
Another old woman who was listening to the preaching in her home was not able to walk without her stick. She was healed and left the stick at home and came to the service in order to testify. She was very amazed; yes one could read this amazement in her eyes.

With gratefulness to all our partners and friends.
Egon & Hannah Falk

Earmark your donation “New Life Outreach” and write a check out to:
Word of Life Center
P.O. Box 18862
Shreveport, LA 71138
Phone: 318 688 4411
~~~~~
If you’re an Alltel subscriber and hate the thought of losing your programmed phone numbers, check out; http://www.mightybackup.com/index.php
~~~~~
The Summer Olympics started in China today. Annette and I enjoyed the opening ceremonies delayed broadcast on NBC this evening.
~~~~~
http://twitter.com/petehoekstra
~~~~~
The Lighthouse Church Report:

Libraries - Thursday, August 7, 2008 - jimmy Malone
I drove through Point Coupee Parish this week. Coming back home from Alexandria, I decided to take the old road through Livonia, Krotz Springs, over the Morganza Spillway, and across Point Coupee to Baton Rouge. This was the low-lying land between the Atchafalaya and the Mississippi rivers. I remember being a small boy when my family moved there for a couple of years. Strangely enough, this is also the first place that I recall going to a public library. We had barely unpacked when I heard my mother say, "There's got to be a library around here." And off we went, me and my little sister Connie and Mama. There was not a library in our town. We were living in Oscar, which was just a spot on the map between all the sugar cane. But the next town over (was it in New Roads?) had a library. I remember picking out more books than I could possibly read in a month. I had to put some back, but I did get one about Kit Carson and a long account of Andrew Jackson at the Battle of New Orleans. I absolutely loved it.

I still love few things more than to spend an hour digging through the shelves of a good library.

http://thelighthousechurch.publishpath.com/
~~~~~
Fibromyalgia and Fatigue Centers Incorporated
Addison, TX
972-980-3800
972-788-4001
info@fibroandfatigue.com
~~~~~
Bryan Bradley's son Nick was wounded in Afghanistan last week – Publication: Magnolia Banner News; Date:2008 Aug 06; BULLETIN
USAF sergeant suffers injuries
By JAMAL BROWN Staff Writer
A soldier with ties to the area was seriously injured Sunday in Afghanistan.
Air Force Staff Sgt. Nick Bradley was injured by a roadside bomb while escorting an official in a suburb of Kabul, the nation’s capital.
The driver of the vehicle in which Bradley was riding was killed by the blast.
Bradley’s parents are Brian and Alicia Bradley from Walkerville.
Bradley was flown from a hospital in Kabul to Germany, and has since been transported to a military hospital in Washington, D.C. Bradley suffered a fractured skull and facial bones , two compound fractures to an arm lacerations and the loss of several fingers.
Bradley was expected to return home soon to be with his wife and daughter in Scottsboro, Ala. He was , serving with the Air Force’s 96th Wing in Afghanistan.
~
Below is the newest information we've heard on Nick – Please keep this family in your
Prayers.
08/07/08 noon update on Bryan's son. Nick was very lucky. Although he had a skull fracture and every bone in his face was broken with the exception of his chin, they say neurologically he is OK. Broken bones in his arms and legs, missing a few fingers........but Bryan was upbeat because he was just thankful that he got the phone call he got instead of the one the family of the driver received.

Address to send cards:
USAF Staff Sgt. Nick Bradley
C/o Walter Reed Army Medical Center
Ward 45A, 4th Floor
Washington, D.C. 20307
~~~~~
Each week the Defense Department highlights military personnel who have gone above and beyond in the war. [http://www.defenselink.mil/heroes/] - - Stephen Gouak
Hometown: Duncannon, PA
Awarded: Bronze Star

As an explosive ordinance disposal (EOD) team leader of the United States Marine Corps, Staff Sergeant Stephen Gouak has one of the most hazardous jobs there is, going closer to bombs, not farther away. During his tour in Iraq, Gouak led his team in disabling 190 IEDs, 1 suicide truck bomb, and over 45 weapons caches with a net weight of 6,300 pounds. His team’s tremendous efforts saved many lives.

One particular instance stands out from his time there. In July 2007, his team got a call to assist another EOD unit collecting explosives after a fierce firefight. Once there, his group began recovering and disarming munitions in the area. They found more than 110 IEDs, plus suicide belts still on the dead bodies of the enemies. Altogether, the bombs weighed nearly 400 pounds. The team began to load up the explosives to be removed from the area. Suddenly, insurgents attacked again. For two hours, the American forces endured a barrage of small arms and rocket-propelled grenade fire. Gouak led the team’s in their defense against the ambush.

A horrible thought struck him: What if the enemy rounds hit the pile of ordnance? Realizing the catastrophe that would ensue, Gouak seized the initiative, and evacuated the bombs from the area. Because of his quick thinking and steadfast courage, Gouak stopped what could have been a disaster for the troops there that day.

Thanks to Staff Sergeant Stephen Gouak’s actions during his deployment, his team cleared an extraordinary amount of explosives. Without these efforts, many lives, coalition and Iraqi, would have been lost. He was awarded the Bronze Star Medal for his overall achievements in Iraq.
~~~~~
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web.
~
I am currently in Nepal trekking in the Himalaya for a month or two, getting in shape for Afghanistan.

Your correspondent,
Michael

Http://www.michaelyon-online.com/index.php
~~~~~
This week we watched [Ratings are my own]:
3:10 to Yuma (2007) [6.0] Starring Russell Crowe ... Christian Bale
3:10 to Yuma (1957) [8.0] Starring Glenn Ford ... Van Heflin
The Maltese Falcon (1941) [8.0] Starring Humphrey Bogart ... Mary Astor ... Peter Lorre ... Sydney Greenstreet
I Was a Male War Bride (1949) [8.5] Starring Cary Grant ... Ann Sheridan
Hatari! (1962) [9.0] Starring John Wayne ... Hardy Krüger ... Elsa Martinelli ... Red Buttons
~~~~~
This week we read; “Extraordinary circumstances : the journey of a corporate whistleblower” / Cynthia Cooper, “Persuader : a Jack Reacher novel” / Lee Child, Fighting words : how liberals created neo-conservatism : a political autobiography / Ben J. Wattenberg, “Bad luck and trouble : a Jack Reacher novel” / Lee Child.
We’re currently reading; “Judgment day” / by Sheldon Siegel
We intend to read; TERMINAL CHAOS: Why U.S. Air Travel Is Broken and How to Fix It (Library of Flight Series) (Hardcover) by George L., Ph.D. Donohue (Author), Russell D., III, Ph.D. Shaver (Author), Eric Edwards (Contributor),
We recommend: “Extraordinary circumstances : the journey of a corporate whistleblower” / Cynthia Cooper
~~~~~
http://www.shelfari.com/BugsBleat/shelf?ec=7D790D174EFS18012
~~~~~
Recipe(s) of the week - - - Hey,
Here is my newest recipe for chicken and dumplings.
Love,
Vanessa
--
Vanessa’s Chicken and Dumplings

2 med carrots
1 med onion
2 sticks real butter
salt
pepper
2T flour
rosemary
2 cans Pillsbury Butter Tastin’ Biscuits
3½ cups chicken broth
3 cups cooked chicken

Sauté diced carrots and onion in 2T of the butter with a little oil. Salt and pepper as desired. When the carrots are tender, add the 2T flour to the pan, and cook a couple of minutes. (This will make the broth creamy.) Add the 3½ cups chicken broth and season with rosemary. While waiting for broth to come to a boil, press and cut biscuits into small squares. When broth comes to a boil add a few dumplings at a time to keep the broth boiling. Add extra water as needed. Cook for about 20 minutes. Add cooked chicken and cook until chicken is heated through. Check seasoning, and add salt, pepper, or rosemary to taste.

Serve with cornbread and green sweet peas on the side.
~
Sprinkle on some salt every day.
Mark 9:50b "Have salt in yourselves, and have peace with one another."
~~~~~
The photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include Ethan on our trip to the Wildlife Park, Josiah feeding a Giraffe, the Courthouse in Homer, LA, and Annette feeding an animal.
~~~~~
Dr. Pat Antoon’s New Address:
Pat Antoon 06669-010
Federal Prison Camp
P.O. Box 9300
Texarkana, TX 75505
Be sure and keep him in your prayers.
~~~~~
We’ve now got several addresses on the web for "Da Bleat." For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. Last quarter’s issues can be seen at http://www.bugsbleat2q08.blogspot.com.
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.
If you want to see more photos of April’s train wreck in Magnolia, go to http://www.bugsbleattw.blogspot.com/
~~~~~
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
~~~~~
BreakPoint
The Heart of the Matter
By Mark Earley
8/8/2008
Transformation

Note: This commentary was delivered by PFM President Mark Earley.

It no longer costs taxpayers $23,000 a year to house, feed, and incarcerate Eddie McNeil. Instead, he pays taxes. His wife, Connie, does not need welfare support—as do many women who divorce their imprisoned husbands. No, she is happily married to Eddie. Eddie’s children, rather than becoming embittered and engaging in high-risk behavior or becoming foster children, are instead reconciled to their dad and doing well in school.

This barely describes some of the benefits the state of Texas has reaped by working with the InnerChange Freedom Initiative®, or IFI. Launched 10 years ago by Prison Fellowship, IFI is an intensive faith-based program that has been shown to dramatically reduce recidivism among those who participate.

And it was IFI that teamed up with Prison Fellowship’s Angel Tree® program to help heal and unite a family brought to its knees by crime and incarceration.

Years ago, Eddie had made a mess of his business. He ended up in prison with a three-year sentence. During this time, his family nearly unraveled. Financial losses mounted as Eddie, the family bread-winner, sat behind bars. Connie’s cancer returned. She lost her job and home.

Connie and the children were on the verge of living on the street. Then Eddie signed his kids up to receive Christmas gifts through Angel Tree—gifts bought and delivered by church volunteers. To Connie, “it was a signal in the darkness that Eddie still loved her” and the kids.

And Eddie, after three years of searching for God, transferred to the IFI program to prepare for his eventual release—a daunting task for any prisoner. Intensive life-skills instruction, counseling, work assignments, and mentoring laid the groundwork for Eddie’s return to freedom. But while Eddie was pulling his life together, Connie’s was disintegrating. She wanted a divorce.

But Prison Fellowship volunteer Tony Menchu stepped into the breach. He began taking Connie and the kids to his church. Then an IFI counselor found Rob and Sarah Woodward, who opened their home to Connie and the kids for seven months—until the church helped them into a home of their own.

Eddie completed the IFI program and walked into freedom and into the arms of his family with the guidance of a mentor—with whom he continues to meet with to this day; and he has been out of prison for three years.

This week, Chuck Colson and I have talked about many urgently needed criminal justice reforms. But no program, no reform, can match the transforming power of Jesus. Eddie’s story is a perfect example.

There is no doubting it. Christians—motivated by the love of Jesus—can have an enormous, an eternal impact on the lives of prisoners and their families.

Thanks for listening to “BreakPoint” this week. I hope we have given you some fresh ideas about how we can address the crisis in America’s prisons.

Is God calling you to be a force for good? Either in the life of a prisoner, a prisoner’s child, or as an advocate for biblically based justice reforms? Visit our websites, prisonfellowship.org and justicefellowship.org to see how, with God, you can make a difference.

This commentary is part four in a four-part series. It first aired on April 3, 2008.

Please help support the Christian worldview ministry of BreakPoint and the prison ministry of PFM and help us continue strong. Donate online today! Or call 1-877-322-5527.

Learn more about The InnerChange Freedom Initiative® and Angel Tree Ministries.

Catherine Claire, “The Family Plan: Effective Ministry to the Prisoner Must Also Include His Family,” Inside PFM.

Catherine Claire, “Countdown to a Crucial Hearing,” The Point, 1 February 2007.

Mark Earley, “One in 32: America under Supervision,” Inside PFM.

BreakPoint Commentary No. 080331, “Admissions of Failure: Corrections in Crisis.”

BreakPoint Commentary No. 080401, “One in Ninety-Nine: Americans behind Bars.”

BreakPoint Commentary No. 080402, “Melting Hearts: Crime and Accountability.”

© 2008 Prison Fellowship - - http://www.breakpoint.org/
~~~~~
Words of the Week:
panoply: a splendid or impressive array.
sapient: wise; sage; discerning.
brummagem: cheap and showy; also, spurious.
obeisance: an expression of deference.
vituperate: to overwhelm with wordy abuse.
spoony: foolishly or sentimentally in love.
asperity: roughness of surface, sound, or manner.
vexillology: the study of flags.
from Dictionary.Com
~~~~~
"If you steal from one author, it's plagiarism; if you steal from many, it's research." - Wilson Mizner

"We cannot play innocents abroad in a world that is not innocent." - Ronald Reagan

"What happens to a dream deferred? / Does it dry up / like a raisin in the sun?" - Langston Hughes

"When you see a rattlesnake poised to strike, you do not wait until he has struck to crush him." - Franklin D. Roosevelt

"These are the times that try men's souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman." - Thomas Paine

"The eyes of others our prisons; their thoughts our cages." - Virginia Woolf

"I wanted no part of politics. And I wasn't in Berlin to compete against any one athlete. The purpose of the Olympics, anyway, was to do your best. As I'd learned long ago from Charles Riley, the only victory that counts is the one over yourself." - Jesse Owens
~~~~~
BREAKING CHRISTIAN NEWS
http://breakingchristiannews.com/

Top Olympic Athletes Say Their Faith is More Important than Medals
Urgent Action Alert for California Residents: Communism Bill on Governor's Desk!
Jerusalem Cancer Treatment Center Will Continue Operating Thanks to Contributions from Christian Organizations
A Loaves-and-Fishes Miracle in Cairo
Russia Mourns "Hero" and "Conscience" Alexander Solzhenitsyn

310 2nd Ave SE
Albany, Oregon 97321
541-928-2642
E-mail editor@breakingchristiannews.com
US Orders: 1-866-358-7426
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GCF: In the Bible

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Naomi) -Tom

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
----------------------------------------------------

Minister: Do you know what's in the Bible?
Little Girl: Yes. I think I know everything that's in it.
Minister: You do? Tell me.
Little Girl: OK. There's a picture of my brother's girlfriend, a ticket from the dry cleaners, one of my curls, and a Pizza Hut coupon.
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Exercise 2

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Joy) -Tom
----------------------------------------------------

The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.

The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"

The room got really quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.

"Yes," replied the teacher.

"Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Exercise

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Joy) -Tom
----------------------------------------------------

"Don't swallow these pills," the doctor said, The doctor handed her overweight patient a bottle of pills. "Instead, spill them on the floor three times a day and pick them up one by one.
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Cutting Class

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Steve) -Tom
----------------------------------------------------

A teacher was reprimanding a teenager in the hall. "Do you mind telling me whose class you're cutting this time?"

"Like," the young teen replied, "uh, see, okay, like it's like I really don't like think like that's really important, y'know, like because I'm y'know, like I don't like get anything out of it."

"It's English class, isn't it?" replied the smiling teacher.
_ ____________________________ _
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Throw out non-essential numbers.\ /
\ _/ This includes age, \_ /
/ / weight and height. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / \ /
\ _/ Little known facts ... \_ /
/ / \ \
The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant. If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian "pahks" his "cah," the lost r's migrate southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in "erl wells."
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / \ /
\ _/ I live in my own little world, \_ /
/ / but it's OK, they know me here. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / \ /
\ _/ Little known facts ... \_ /
/ / \ \
Birds take off at sunrise. On the opposite side of the world, they are landing at sunset. This causes the earth to spin on its axis.
_ ____________________________ _
| Thomas S. Ellsworth |
| tellswor@kcbx.net |
| http://www.kcbx.net/~tellswor |
|____________________________|
Stop for a visit, leave with a smile! To join Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.Com To leave Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.Com Or visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor/
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THE EXECUTIVE SUMMARY

I know that some of you don't like to read long drawn out missives...so here's the executive summary.........
Congress Military
John McCain 26 Years 22 Years
Barrack Obama 143 days 0
Summary Concluded.

Thanks to Waneta
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For those of you who slept through World History 101 here is a condensed version. Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were:
1. The invention of beer, and
2. The invention of the wheel.
The wheel was invented to get man to the beer, and the beer to the man.
These facts formed the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals
2. Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men.
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, the evolution of the Hollywood actor, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide all the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years, Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the Donky.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French foods are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men.
Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, firemen, lumberjacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, other servicemen and generally anyone who works productively.
Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history.
It should be noted that a liberal (you know who you are) may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above; to defend their untenable position.
A conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers, and to liberals ... just to irritate them.

Thanks to Greg Harrell
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MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. MONEY A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS A man has 6 items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel . The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bin, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. NATURAL Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

Thanks to Cindy Borne
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I Have a Question!
Hope you have the answers!

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?
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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?
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Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
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If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
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If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?
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If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
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If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
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If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? ?
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Do Lipton Tea employees take 'coffee breaks?'
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What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?
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Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
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Is it true that you never really learn to swear until you learn to drive?
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
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Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two words 'The' and 'IRS' together, it spells; 'THEIRS'?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Thanks to David Lamb
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By the way, who among you can pronounce “'Hospital??” That thought made me want to find my calculus text book and write a few differential equations for old time's sake. Nah, think I will just drink some Metamucil and go to bed.

Read and enjoy.......

Manly's Maxim: Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with
confidence.

Maugham's Thought: Only a mediocre person is always at his best.

Finagle's Second Law: No matter what the experiment's result, there will always be someone
eager to: (a) misinterpret it. (b) fake it. or (c) believe it supports his own pet theory.

Finagle's Third Law: In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all
need of checking, is the mistake.

Finagle's Fourth Law: Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it
worse.

Zymurgy's First Law of Evolving Systems Dynamics: Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a bigger can.

Gibb's Law: Infinity is one lawyer waiting for another.

Wiker's Law: Government expands to absorb revenue and then some.

Clarke's First Law: When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.

Clarke's Third Law: Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

Weiler's Law: Nothing is impossible for the man who does not have to do it himself.

Weinberg's Second Law: If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, the
first woodpecker to come along would destroy civilization.

Katz's Law: Men and women will act rationally when all other possibilities have been
exhausted.
Cole's Axiom: The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population
is growing.

Churchill's commentary on man: Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.

Conway's Law: In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is
going on. This person must be fired.

The Sausage Principle: People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either
one being made.

Berra's Law: You can observe a lot just by watching.

Goldwyn's Law of Contracts. A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government: No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in
session.

Gerrold's Pronouncement: The difference between a politician and a snail is that a snail leaves
its slime behind.

Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt. - - Herbert Hoover

Thanks to Robert Lyons
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I was casting kids in our church for our annual Christmas play. I said to one, "Luke, you can be a Villager."
He ran over to his parents. Very excited, he said to them, "Guess what! I get to be a mini-van!"

Thanks to Waneta
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As a young minister in Kentucky , I was asked by a funeral director to hold a grave-side service for a homeless man, who had no family or friends. The funeral was to be held at a new cemetery way back in the country, and this man would be the first to be buried there.

I was not familiar with the backwoods area, and I soon became lost. Being a typical man, I did not stop to ask for directions. I finally arrived an hour late.

I saw the backhoe and the open grave, but the hearse was nowhere in sight. The digging crew was eating lunch. I apologized to the workers for my tardiness, and I stepped to the side of the open grave. There I saw the vault lid already in place. I assured the workers I would not hold them up for long, as I told them that this was the proper thing to do.

The workers gathered around the grave and stood silently, as I began to pour out my heart and soul. As I preached about "looking forward to a brighter tomorrow" and "the glory that is to come," the workers began to say "Amen," "Praise the Lord," and "Glory!" The fervor of these men truly inspired me. So, I preached and I preached like I had never preached before, all the way from Genesis to Revelations.

I finally closed the lengthy service with a prayer, thanked the men, and walked to my car. As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I heard one of the workers say to another, "I ain't NEVER seen nothin' like that before, and I've been puttin' in septic tanks for thirty years!"

Thanks to David Lamb
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Polar Bear

A baby polar bear comes up to his mother and asks, "Momma, am I a polar bear?"

"Why, yes, son, of course you are a polar bear," she replies, sending him out to play.

Several minutes later, he returns. "Momma, are you absolutely sure I am a polar bear?"

"Yes, son, absolutely sure. Now go and play."

Several minutes later, he returns asking, "Momma, you're sure I'm 100% polar bear?"

"Yes, son, 100% polar bear. I'm 100% polar bear, your father is 100% polar bear, and all of your grandparents are 100% polar bear," she responded proudly. "Now go out and play."

Several minutes later he returns again. "Momma, you are absolutely sure that I am a polar bear? No mixture at all? I wasn't adopted? I really am 100% polar bear?"

"Yes, son, of course," she replied. "Why do you keep asking?"

"Because Momma ... I'm cold!"

Received from Josh Hellums.

(-:][:-)

Good News, Bad News

Sally phoned her husband, Bill, at work for a chat.

"I'm sorry dear," said Bill, "but I'm up to my neck in work today. I don't have time to chat."

Sally replied, "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you, dear."

"OK, darling," said Bill, "but as I've got no time right now, just give me the good news."

"OK," agreed Sally. "Well, the air bag works!"

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.

(-:][:-)

Larry LaPrise Died

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week.

Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote "The Hokie Pokey" died peacefully at the age of 93.

The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.

They put his left leg in. That's when the trouble started...

Received from Mark Penn.

(-:][:-)

The Wedding Dress

When my sister Andrea got married, she asked to wear mother's wedding dress. The day she tried it on for the first time I was sitting with Mother in the living room as Andrea descended the stairs. The gown was a perfect fit on her petite frame. Mother's eyes welled with tears. I put my arm around her.

"You're not losing a daughter," I reminded her in time-honored fashion. "You're gaining a son."

"Oh, forget about that!" she said with a sob. "I used to fit into that dress!"

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.

(-:][:-)

-=+=-
Rate this funny at http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20060113
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
To print or email this funny to others, go to http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20060113
The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://www.gcfl.net/latest.php
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - http://www.madkane.com/parental.html - - PARENTAL PROPOSAL - - The "help wanted" pages are filled with job descriptions that defy comprehension. This probably explains why so many parents can't quite figure out what it is their children do for a living. And it can lead to parental queries like this one from my mother-in-law to my husband Mark:

"Tell me exactly what your job is. Go slowly. I have to write it down."

Mark hadn't switched employers or secured a promotion; he's been doing essentially the same work for ten years. So why the sudden curiosity? Because his parents recently attended a wedding packed with inquisitive relatives. Relatives who appeared to be more interested in Mark's career than they were in the bride and groom.

"Jeff/Harry/Beth is doing great. He/she's a CPA/GYN/PHD," they reportedly said. "So how's Mark? What did you say he does?"

"Something with computers," my mother-in-law answered at first. "And banking, I think."

"That's sounds nice," they responded, "but what exactly does he do?"

"Well I'm not sure, but I know it's very important. So doesn't Sheila make a lovely bride?"

"How could you not know what your own son does for a living?" they prodded, refusing to be distracted by something as inconsequential as the bride's appearance. "What is he -- some kind of spy?"

"Everyone thinks you're with the CIA," Mark's mother complained the moment she came home. "They kept me so busy with their questions, I almost missed dessert. The only way I got to the ruggelah, was to promise to write and explain precisely what you do. So what do you do?"

For the next hour I listened as Mark tried to describe his job, and his mother grew more and more confused. Do other people have this problem, I wondered. So I decided to ask some friends.

"I just tell my folks I work with numbers," an econometrics expert told me. "It doesn't really satisfy them, but it's the best I can do."

"All my parents know is I work with lab rats," said a scientist friend whose job I can't begin to describe.

"I do junk bond work," replied a securities attorney. "How would you like to explain that to your parents?"

The solution to this job generation gap came to me as I listened to the tenth description of an indescribable job. From now on, at least once a year, we should take our parents to work with us. After all, there's already an annual Take Our Daughters To Work Day and a strong move afoot to include sons. But, shockingly, nobody has protested the exclusion of parents. Such blatant discrimination goes to the very essence of parenting -- parents' inalienable right to brag about their kids.

Imagine the educational benefit of parents sitting with their children at the conference table/laboratory/computer room. Witnessing their daughters' demos and their sons' presentations. Watching their offspring interact with bosses, clients, co-workers (both enemies and friends). Gazing as their progeny dodge phone calls, pound keyboards, glare at computer screens, and curse the invention of the fax machine.

There are risks, of course. Dad may cross-examine the boss about health insurance and the company's retirement plan. Mom may whip out a tape measure and compare office footage on her hands and knees. Both will conclude you're smarter than your boss and make sure to let him know it. And you can be sure that one of them will demand to know when you're getting a promotion.

But despite the risks, we owe it to our parents to expose them to our work environments. Besides, a discreetly whispered warning is usually all it takes to get parents to behave. The warning? "If you get me fired, I'll move back home."

Mark is very excited by my idea and plans to try it at his firm next month. What does Mark do? Something with computers. And banking, I think.
http://www.madkane.com
Subscribe to MadKane Humor Newsletter (weekly) here:
http://www.madkane.com/email.html
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"Don't strive for recognition, but work for achievement." -- Vanessa Malone
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GCF: A Most Important Question

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, David) -Tom

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
----------------------------------------------------
(Not really a joke, but worth reading.)

During my second month of nursing school, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until I read the last one: 'What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"

Surely, this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name?

I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank.

Before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.

"Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say hello."

I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.
_ _____________________________ _
/ )| |( \
/ / | tellswor@kcbx.net | \ \
_( (_ | http://www.kcbx.net/~tellswor | _) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )____________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Backwards sentence this \ /
\ _/ wrote I you confuse to. \_ /
/ / \ \
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While watching a little TV on Sunday instead of going to church, I watched a church in Atlanta honoring one of its senior pastors who had been retired many years. He was 92 at that time and I wondered why the church even bothered to ask the old gentleman to preach at that age.

After a warm welcome, introduction of this speaker, and as the applause quieted down, he rose from his high back chair and walked slowly, with great effort and a sliding gate to the podium. Without a note or written paper of any kind he placed both hands on the pulpit to steady himself and then quietly and slowly he began to speak....

'When I was asked to come here today and talk to you, your pastor asked me to tell you what was the greatest lesson ever learned in my 50-odd years of preaching. I thought about it for a few days and boiled it down to just one thing that made the most difference in my life and sustained me through all my trials. The one thing that I could always rely on when tears and heartbreak and pain and fear and sorrow paralyzed me... the only thing that would comfort was this verse.........

'Jesus loves me this I know.
For the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to Him belong,
we are weak but He is strong.....
Yes, Jesus loves me...
The Bible tells me so.'

When he finished, the church was quiet. You actually could hear his footsteps as he shuffled back to his chair. I don't believe I will ever forget it. A pastor once stated, 'I always noticed that it was the adults who chose the children's hymn 'Jesus Loves Me' (for the children of course) during a hymn sing, and it was the adults who sang the loudest because I could see they knew it the best.'

'Senior version of Jesus Loves Me'

Here is a new version just for us who have white hair or no hair at all. For us over middle age (or even those almost there) and all you others check out this newest version of Jesus Loves Me.

JESUS LOVES ME

Jesus loves me, this I know,
Though my hair is white as snow
Though my sight is growing dim,
Still He bids me trust in Him.
(CHORUS)
YES, JESUS LOVES ME.. YES, JESUS LOVES ME..
YES, JESUS LOVES ME, FOR THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO.

Though my steps are oh, so slow,
With my hand in His I'll go
On through life, let come what may,
He'll be there to lead the way.
(CHORUS)

When the nights are dark and long,
In my heart He puts a song..
Telling me in words so clear,
'Have no fear, for I am near.'
(CHORUS)

When my work on earth is done,
And life's victories have been won.
He will take me home above,
Then I'll understand His love
(CHORUS)

I love Jesus, does He know?
Have I ever told Him so?
Jesus loves to hear me say,
That I love Him every day.
(CHORUS)

Thanks to David Lamb
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O = ZERO
Written by Dr. Jack Wheeler

The O-man, Barack Hussein Obama, is an eloquently tailored empty suit. No resume, no accomplishments, no experience, no original ideas, no understanding of how the economy works, no understanding of how the world works, nothing but abstract empty rhetoric devoid of real substance.

He has no real identity. He is half-white, which he rejects. The rest of him is mostly Arab, which he hides but is disclosed by his non-African Arabic surname and his Arabic first and middle names as a way to triply proclaim his Arabic parentage to people in Kenya . Only a small part of him is African Black from his Luo grandmother, which he pretends he is exclusively.

What he isn't, not a genetic drop of, is 'African-American,' the descendant of enslaved Africans brought to America chained in slave ships. He hasn't a single ancestor who was a slave. Instead, his Arab ancestors were slave owners. Slave-trading was the main Arab business in East Africa for centuries until the British ended it.

Let that sink in: Obama is not the descendant of slaves, he is the descendant of slave owners. Thus he makes the perfect Liberal Messiah.

It's something Hillary doesn't understand - how some complete neophyte came out of the blue and stole the Dem nomination from her. Obamamania is beyond politics and reason. It is a true religious cult, whose adherents reject Christianity yet still believe in Original Sin, transferring it from the evil of being human to the evil of being white.

Thus Obama has become the white liberals' Christ, offering absolution from the Sin of Being White. There is no reason or logic behind it, no faults or flaws of his can diminish it, no arguments Hillary could make of any kind can be effective against it. The absurdity of Hypocrisy Clothed In Human Flesh being their Savior is all the more cause for liberals to worship him: Credo quia absurdum, I believe it because it is absurd.

Thank heavens that the voting majority of Americans remain Christian and are in no desperate need of a phony savior.

His candidacy is ridiculous and should not be taken seriously by any thinking American.

Thanks to Mary Alexis
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BEING IN LOVE

Think back to when you met that man/woman that you just knew would be the one. Remember when you realized/admitted to yourself that you loved him/her. Now remember how much you wanted to act like you were in a movie, and yell to everyone in the football stadium "I love (fill in the name)!" You told family and friends how perfect he/she was; he/she was just what you were looking for.
Well, I told THE LORD that I love Him today. And He said to me, "How much do you love me? You haven't told anyone how good I've been to you. You haven't shared how perfect my love is. You haven't spread the good news that I am always there to listen to your problems. You haven't told your family how I helped you pay your bills when you didn't have a high paying job, or how I got you a better one. You haven't shared with anyone how I took away that addiction that would have cost you not only your job, but also that man/woman that was just what you were looking for. So how much do you really love me?"
So, I said I would share with my friends and family (for starters) just how wonderful, perfect, understanding, patient, loving, unselfish, considerate and forgiving GOD really is. He has blessed me with a family that loves me and friends that I can confide in. But even more than that, He has saved me from destruction I couldn't even see coming. He gave to me the peace of knowing Him, and He has never broken a promise. Truly He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. And I stand in my stadium today to tell to you all, "I LOVE THE LORD!"

"Always keep people in your life that charge your battery, not those who drain it."

Thanks to David Lamb
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An incredible love story has come out of China recently and managed to touch the world.
It is a story of a man and an older woman who ran off to live and love each other in peace for over half a century.

The 70-year-old Chinese man who hand-carved over 6,000 stair steps up a mountain for his 80-year-old wife has passed away in the cave which has been the couple ' s home for the last 50 years.

Over 50 years ago, Liu Guojiang a 19 year-old boy, fell in love with a 29 year-old widowed mother named Xu Chaoqin..

In a twist worthy of Shakespeare ' s Romeo and Juliet, friends and relatives criticized the relationship because of the age difference and the fact that Xu already had children.

At that time, it was unacceptable and immoral for a young man to love an older woman.. To avoid the market gossip and the scorn of their communities, the couple decided to elope and lived in a cave in Jiangjin County in Southern ChongQing Municipality

In the beginning, life was harsh as they had nothing, no electricity or even food. They had to eat grass and roots they found in the mountain, and Liu made a kerosene lamp that they used to light up their lives.

Xu felt that she had tied Liu down and repeatedly asked him, ' Are you regretful? Liu always replied, ' As long as we are industrious, life will improve. '

In the second year of living in the mountain, Liu began and continued for over 50 years, to hand-carve the steps so that his wife could get down the mountain easily.

Half a century later in 2001, a group of adventurers were exploring the forest and were surprised to find the elderly couple and the over 6,000 hand-carved steps. Liu MingSheng, one of their seven children said, ' My parents loved each other so much, they have lived in seclusion for over 50 years and never been apart a single day. He hand carved more than 6,000 steps over the years for my mother ' s convenience, although she doesn't go down the mountain that much. '

The couple had lived in peace for over 50 years until last week. Liu, now 72 years, returned from his daily farm work and collapsed. Xu sat and prayed with her husband as he passed away in her arms. So in love with Xu, was Liu, that no one was able to release the grip he had on his wife ' s hand even after he had passed away.

' You promised me you'll take care of me, you'll always be with me until the day I died, now you left before me, how am I going to live without you? '

Xu spent days softly repeating this sentence and touching her husband ' s black coffin with tears rolling down her cheeks.

In 2006, their story became one of the top 10 love stories from China , collected by the Chinese Women Weekly. The local government has decided to preserve the love ladder and the place they lived as a museum, so this love story can live forever.

Thanks to Waneta
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| Safety from the Heart |
----------------------------------------------------
August 6, 2008
Heat Index 100+

Heat Stroke

It’s hard to escape the heat when your job takes you outside. Somehow most of us manage to get by. But just when you thought you were able to handle it, your body may not be getting the message.


"You could easily have a heat stroke on Monday morning, especially if you’ve done a little celebrating that weekend," says James R. Brooks, M.D., a specialist in occupational medicine at Alegent Health.

Here’s why. It takes your body 7 to 10 days to build up a tolerance to the heat. That’s not a problem for most people, but Dr. Brooks says if you spend the next 3 days in a cool spot, let’s stay inside, it could spell trouble.

"Usually if a person becomes fatigued, they have a headache, they may get nauseous, and then it can continue until they’re disabled from it," adds Dr. Brooks.

Things like alcohol, some cold and allergy medicine, diuretics and beta-blockers can set you up for more trouble. The answer for heat stress injuries -- you’ve heard it before -- is drink plenty of water and play it safe.

----------------------------------------------------
| Safety from the Heart |
----------------------------------------------------
August 5, 2008
Hot Weather
Prepared by Dorothy Weston, Orangeburg employee

How does hot weather affect the heart?
Extremely hot weather causes dehydration, heat exhaustion and heat stroke.
These risks increase when the humidity is above 70 percent and the temperature is above 70 degrees F. Heat and humidity interfere with the body's natural cooling process.

Exercising outside in hot and humid conditions can be hard on your heart.
This is true even for athletes who haven't yet adapted to the heat. The problem is made worse because the heart is trying to deliver blood and oxygen to your working muscles while your body is trying to cool off by sweating. If you sweat too much, you lose fluid. This decreases your total
blood volume. That means your heart has to pump even harder to get the smaller volume of blood to your working muscles, skin and the other body parts. When you lose too much fluid, your body temperature rises and your nervous system doesn't work properly. Extreme fluid loss can lead to brain and heart damage.

A good way to monitor your body fluid level is to weigh every morning after using the bathroom. If you weigh two pounds less than normal in the morning, you're probably dehydrated and need to drink more water before doing any vigorous physical activity. (You may have lost weight as water but not as fat.)

If you plan to exercise outside in hot and humid weather, wear very light, comfortable clothing and work out in the early morning or late evening, if possible. Know the symptoms of heat exhaustion and heat stroke. If any symptoms appear, stop exercising and cool down immediately by dousing yourself with cold water. You may need to get medical attention. Heat exhaustion can progress quickly to heat stroke, which can kill you.

What are the symptoms of heat exhaustion?
Heavy sweating, cold, clammy skin, dizziness or fainting (syncope), a weak and rapid pulse, muscle cramps, fast, shallow breathing, nausea, vomiting or both

What are the symptoms of heat stroke?
Warm, dry skin with no sweating strong and rapid pulse confusion and/or unconsciousness high fever throbbing headaches nausea, vomiting or both

http://www.americanheart.org/presenter.jhtml?identifier=4660
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TOURBUS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -:) - :)- :)
Volume 14, Number 2 -- 05 Aug 2008
Tourbus Home -- http://www.InternetTourbus.com
-----------------------------------------------------

TODAY'S TOURBUS TOPICS: Free Anti-Virus / Botnets /
Future Input Devices / Health Records

In today's TOURBUS, I've got a review of AVG 8.0, a free anti-virus program that I use and recommend. Are you protected? You'll also learn about Botnets, an insidious threat to your computer. Are you vulnerable? We'll also peer into the future of computer input devices, to see what will someday replace your mouse and keyboard.
And we wrap with a roundup of online health records services.
Will your private medical records be safe on the Web? Read on!

------------------------------
AVG Free Anti-Virus Software
------------------------------

If your computer safe from viruses? Without the proper protection, your computer can catch a virus faster than you can recite your email address three times. Viruses can destroy files, compromise your privacy, and make you vulnerable to identity theft. What to do?

AVG Free anti-virus software The first step is to make sure that you have a decent anti-virus program installed. There are many to choose from, but I use and recommend the free AVG software. Let's take a look at the new 8.0 version and see what it can do to protect you from the onslaught of cyber-nasties floating around out there.

FREE AVG - http://askbobrankin.com/avg_review.html

---------------------------
Warning, Danger: Botnets!
---------------------------

A reader recently asked me this question about botnets:

"I've read warnings about getting caught up in botnets, but still don't understand the danger. Can you explain in simple terms what a botnet is, and how to avoid them?"

The term "botnet" is short for "robot network" -- but try not to think of this in terms of a General Grievous-style robot army trying to take over Cyberspace. A botnet is a collection of ordinary home and office computers that have been compromised by rogue software.

Computers that have been caught up in a botnet have been effectively taken over, and can be used to perform almost any task by the people who control the botnet. Botnets are controlled by criminals and other miscreants whose motives include selling products, operating financial scams and crippling websites through coordinated attacks.

Learn more about botnets, how millions of computers have been caught up in this malignant web, and how to avoid the botnets...

BOTNETS! - http://askbobrankin.com/what_is_a_botnet.html

-----------------------------
Input Devices of the Future
-----------------------------

We're tethered to our computers now, but the future of input devices will give computer users a freedom that is nearly unfathomable. Get ready to cast aside your keyboard and mouse. Future computer input devices will rely heavily on the movements of our eyes, head, hands, body, the words that we speak... and maybe our thoughts.

Learn about the latest innovations in Body Movement Input Devices, Voice Input Devices, Virtual Reality Input Devices, and Brain-Computer Interfaces. Are you ready for a computer that can read your mind?

NEED INPUT - http://askbobrankin.com/future_input_devices.html

---------------------------------------------
Would You Store Your Health Records Online?
---------------------------------------------

Storing health records online can be a convenient way to access and manage your family’s medical information, saving you the hassle and headache of filling out forms, or getting your doctor to transfer your info to another facility. Having access to your medical history at the click of a mouse can be extremely important or even life saving in the case of a medical emergency.

But would you trust your personal health records to an online company? There are several websites currently offering this service. Let’s take a look at each one...

HEALTH - http://askbobrankin.com/online_health_records.html

That's all for now, see you next time! -- Bob Rankin

==[ Tourbus Rider Information ]==
The Internet Tourbus - U.S. Library of Congress ISSN #1094-2238 Copyright 1995-2008, Rankin & Crispen - All rights reserved Be Smarter & Better Looking Than [-99.386605-] Percent of Users The Best of Everything - http://www.InternetTourbus.com/best.html Subscribe, Signoff, Archives, Free Stuff and More at the Tourbus Home - http://www.InternetTourbus.com
+---------------------------------------+
========================
.~~~. ))
(\__/) .' ) )) Patrick Douglas Crispen
/o o \/ .~
{o_, \ { crispen@netsquirrel.com
/ , , ) \ http://www.netsquirrel.com/
`~ -' \ } )) AOL Instant Messenger: Squirrel2K
_( ( )_.'
---..{____} Warning: squirrels.
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The Pump Handle. A water cooler for the public health crowd.

Here are links to items posted on The Pump Handle over the past week:

** "Chao's Priorities on Display in Postville" by Liz Borkowski Reports of underage workers in the Postville, Iowa meatpacking plant that immigration officials raided in May illustrate the Labor Department's misplaced priorities. http://thepumphandle.wordpress.com/2008/08/07/chaos-priorities-on-display-in-postville/

** "Crandall Canyon 1st Anniversary" by Nathan Fetty On the one-year anniversary of the Crandall Canyon mine disaster, the New York Times points out that MSHA's aversion to enforcement has deadly consequences – and it's time for a new approach. http://thepumphandle.wordpress.com/2008/08/07/crandall-canyon-1st-anniversary/

** "Occupational Health News Roundup" by Liz Borkowski A House committee hears testimony about sexual assault in the military; an emergency room nurse lands in intensive care after being exposed, via a patient's clothes, to fluid used in natural gas extraction; and temple workers may face health risks from exposure to incense. http://thepumphandle.wordpress.com/2008/08/06/occupational-health-news-roundup-76/

** "Connecting the dots: 'compliance assistance' to 'destined to fail'" Tom Bethell of The Mountain Eagle urges us (and policymakers) to read the independent investigation of MSHA and the Crandall Canyon disaster to understand how the Secretary of Labor's demand for 'compliance assistance' programs set the groundwork for the deadly workplace conditions for our nation's mine workers. http://thepumphandle.wordpress.com/2008/08/05/connecting-the-dots-compliance-assistance-to-destined-to-fail/

** "Cancer registry cock up in Maryland" by revere Cancer registries are a valuable resource for epidemiologists, so it's distressing to find that a contractor has been tampering with the data in Maryland's database. http://thepumphandle.wordpress.com/2008/08/05/cancer-registry-cock-up-in-maryland/

** "Crane Industry Pushes OMB for OSHA Rule" by Celeste Monforton Representatives of the crane industry, including several who were members of the OSHA Neg/Reg committee, met with OMB to press it to complete its review of the agency's proposed rule on cranes and derricks. http://thepumphandle.wordpress.com/2008/08/04/crane-industry-pushes-omb-for-osha-rule/

** "Savannah Newspaper Slams Imperial Sugar Executives" by Celeste Monforton An editorial in the Savannah Morning News calls for tough penalties for the executives of Imperial Sugar, after a sugar-dust explosion at one of their plants killed 13 workers and injured many more. http://thepumphandle.wordpress.com/2008/08/04/savannah-newspaper-slams-imperial-sugar-executives/

** "OSHA Underground on Ed Foulke: Try harder" by Christina Morgan OSHA Underground responds to a Senate committee hearing on combustible dust explosions, which OSHA Administrator Ed Foulke has done too little to prevent. http://thepumphandle.wordpress.com/2008/08/01/oshaunderground-foulke/

** "Friday Blog Roundup" by Liz Borkowski Bloggers update us about what's going on in Congress with consumer protections, tobacco regulation, EPA oversight, and prescription drugs; plus, they explore green jobs, the International AIDS Conference, and "paralysis by analysis." http://thepumphandle.wordpress.com/2008/08/01/friday-blog-roundup-86/

** "The People and Prejudices Behind Chao's Secret Rule" by Liz Borkowski In a follow-up to the news about the Department of Labor's secret risk-assessment rule, which would create new barriers to protecting workers from toxic substances, Effect Measure explores the players behind the proposal. http://thepumphandle.wordpress.com/2008/08/01/the-people-and-prejudices-behind-chaos-secret-rule/

http://thepumphandle.wordpress.com/
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Weekly Toll - - http://weeklytoll.blogspot.com/
Death In The Workplace w/News & Updates
John Donne - ...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.
A partial list of workplace fatalities.

Friday, August 08, 2008
Bill Allert H.R. 6660

Dear Friends,

We write to urge you to ask your Congressional Representatives to become a co-sponsor of important legislation meant to stop the Bush Administration from further eroding worker protection. H.R. 6660 was introduced by Rep. George Miller (D-CA) to stop an eleventh-hour proposed rule that would make it harder to set new safety regulations limiting workers' exposure to chemicals on the job.

As reported in the Washington Post, the Labor Department began actively drafting new rules for measuring risk and setting health standards for chemicals in September 2007, but did not disclose it was looking at the idea, as required, in either its December 2007 or May 2008 reports on regulations it was considering. The proposal calls for adding another procedural step and round of challenges before the department can consider regulations for a workplace toxin. It also challenges the agency's longstanding assumption that it should set limits low enough to protect workers who could be exposed to a toxin every day on the job and work for 45 years.

In seven and a half years, the Bush administration has adopted only one regulation to limit exposure to a chemical--hexavalent chromium--and that was under court order. This proposed new rule has become the department's top priority in the final months of the Bush Administration, although proposed worker safety rules for limiting exposure to beryllium, silica and combustible dust remain works in progress despite years of being under consideration.

The AFL-CIO has instituted a campaign to prevent the adoption of this rule. The chairmen of the Senate and House labor committees have written to Labor Secretary Elaine Chao demanding that the Department withdraw the proposal.

Please find enclosed a draft letter you can use to ask your Congressional Representative to become a co-sponsor of the legislation.

Stopping the implementation of this rule is urgent. Failure to do so will mean that it will be almost impossible for needed new safety and health standards to be issued. Please write your Congress Member today.

In solidarity,

Bill Henning Joel Shufro
Chairman Executive Director
NYCOSH Board of Directors
Vice President, Local 1180
Communications Workers of America

http://weeklytoll.blogspot.com
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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink.mil/releases/

01. Spc. Kevin R. Dickson, 21, of Steelville, Mo., died Aug. 2 in Balad, Iraq, of injuries suffered in a non-combat related incident. He was assigned to the 10th Special Forces Group (Airborne), Group Support Battalion, Group Service Support Company, Fort Carson, Colo.

The Department of Defense announced the death of four soldiers who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom. They died Aug. 1 in Asadabad, Afghanistan, of wounds suffered in Chowkay Valley, Afghanistan, when their vehicle encountered an improvised explosive device. Killed were:
02. Spc. David J. Badie, 23, of Rockford, Ill., who was assigned to the Special Troops Battalion, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 1st Infantry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.
03. 2nd Lt. Michael R. Girdano, 23, of Pennsylvania, who was assigned to the Special Troops Battalion, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 1st Infantry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.
04. Spc. William J. Mulvihill, 20, of Leavenworth, Kan., who was assigned to the Special Troops Battalion, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 1st Infantry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.
05. Pvt. Jair De Jesus Garcia, 29, of Chatsworth, Calif., who was assigned to the 6th Squadron, 4th Cavalry Regiment, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 1st Infantry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.

06. Spc. Andre D. Mitchell, 25, of Elmont, N.Y., died July 31 in Mosul, Iraq, of injuries sustained in a vehicle accident. He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 3rd Armored Cavalry Regiment, Fort Hood, Texas.

07. Sgt. Ryan P. Baumann, 24, of Great Mills, Md., died Aug. 1, on Route Alaska, Afghanistan, of wounds sustained when his vehicle encountered an improvised explosive device. He was assigned to the 4th Battalion, 320th Field Artillery Regiment, 4th Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort Campbell, Ky.

08. Staff Sgt. Brian K. Miller, 37, of Pendleton, Ind., died Aug. 2 in Abd Allah, Iraq, of injuries suffered in a vehicle accident. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 293rd Infantry Regiment, 76th Brigade Combat Team, Indiana Army National Guard, Fort Wayne, Ind.

09. Sgt. Jaime Gonzalez, Jr., 40, of Austin, Texas, died Aug. 3 in Kabul, Afghanistan, of injuries suffered when his vehicle encountered a mine. He was assigned to the 436th Chemical Company, Texas Army National Guard, Laredo, Texas.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died Aug. 4 in Baghdad, Iraq, of wounds suffered when debris from an improvised explosive device detonation on an overpass fell onto their vehicle. They were assigned to the 38th Military Police Company, 38th Infantry Division, Indiana Army National Guard, Danville, Ind. Killed were:
10. Sgt. Gary M. Henry, 34, of Indianapolis, Ind.
11. Spc. Jonathan D. Menke, 22, of Madison, Ind.

12. Capt. Garrett T. Lawton, 31, of Charleston, W.V., died Aug. 4 while supporting combat operations in Herat province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to U.S. Marine Corps Forces Special Operations Command, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

13. Pvt. Timothy J. Hutton, 21, of Dillon, Mont., died Aug. 4 in Baghdad, Iraq, of injuries suffered in a non-combat related incident. He was assigned to the 54th Engineer Battalion, 18th Engineer Brigade, Bamberg, Germany.

14. Spc. Ronald A. Schmidt, 18, of Newton, Kan., died Aug. 3 in Balad, Iraq, of injuries sustained in a vehicle accident in Ashraf, Iraq, on Aug. 2. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 161st Field Artillery, Kansas Army National Guard, Kingman, Kan.

15. Sgt. Errol M. James, 29, of St. Croix, Virgin Islands, died Aug. 4 at Forward Operating Base Torkham, Afghanistan, of injuries sustained in a non-combat related incident. He was assigned to the 527th Military Police Company, 709th Military Police Battalion, Grafenwoehr, Germany.
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Sailor Missing from The Vietnam War is Identified

The Department of Defense POW/Missing Personnel Office (DPMO) announced today that a U.S. serviceman, missing from the Vietnam War, has been identified.

He is Hospital Corpsman 3rd Class Manuel R. Denton, U.S. Navy, of Kerrville, Texas. He will be buried as part of a group on Thursday in Arlington National Cemetery near Washington, D.C.

On Oct. 8, 1963, Denton was one of six men who crewed a UH-34D Choctaw helicopter that was on a search-and-rescue mission. While over Quang Nam Province, Vietnam, the helicopter came under intense enemy ground fire and crashed. There were no survivors. Over the next several days, the remains of four of the crewmen were recovered, however the remains of Denton and one other crewman, U.S. Marine Corps Lance Cpl. Luther E. Ritchey Jr., were not recovered.

Between 1991 and 2000, several joint U.S./Socialist Republic of Vietnam (S.R.V.) teams, led by the Joint POW/MIA Accounting Command (JPAC), traveled to Quang Nam Province to investigate the incident and interview witnesses. Teams also surveyed the crash site and found wreckage consistent with a UH-34D.

In 2000 and 2001, human remains associated with this incident were turned over to U.S. officials. In 2002, a joint team excavated the crash site and recovered human remains.

As a result of the remains turned over in 2000 and 2001, and of those recovered from the crash site in 2002, Ritchey’s remains were identified in 2003. Some of these remains could not be individually identified, and they are included in a group representing the entire crew. Denton’s remains are in this group, which will be buried together in Arlington.

JPAC used forensic identification tools and circumstantial evidence in Denton’s identification.

For additional information on the Defense Department’s mission to account for missing Americans, visit the DPMO Web site at http://www.dtic.mil/dpmo or call (703) 699-1420.
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On August 6 Secretary of Defense Robert Gates celebrated the 60th anniversary of the desegregation of the armed forces and the federal civil service in a ceremony at the Pentagon.

Executive Order 9980, which President Truman signed on July 26, 1948, created a Fair Employment Board to eliminate racial discrimination in federal employment. Executive Order 9981, signed the same day, began the process of eliminating segregated units and occupational specialties from the post-World War II military.

Progress in carrying out the presidential directive, however, was initially slow. “As is often the case, harsh necessity became the midwife of progress” said Gates. “With the sudden outbreak of war in Korea, battlefield requirements triumphed over Jim Crow,” and brought the inefficient race-based personnel system to an end.

The Department of Defense has made remarkable strides in integration since then, with blacks today making up 13 percent of the enlisted force, about parallel to black representation in the civilian population in the recruitable age group. Blacks make up about 9 percent of all officers, slightly more than black representation among college graduates.

“No aspect of black Americans’ quest for justice and equality under the law has been nobler than what has been called, ‘the fight for the right to fight’” Gates stated. “Our commemoration of the desegregation of the federal workforce, and the U.S. military, reminds us of how far we’ve come toward living up to our founding ideals, and how far we still have to go.”

Accompanying Gates at the ceremony were Truman historian Michael Gardner, author of “Harry Truman and Civil Rights: Moral Courage and Political Risks,” and Ken Hechler, a White House assistant and speechwriter for President Truman.

Gardner highlighted how Truman’s decision to integrate the armed forces was highly controversial, costing him considerable support in the South and nearly losing him the presidential election which occurred less than four months later. Polls at the time showed that 82 percent of Americans opposed Truman’s civil rights program, yet he persisted: “I am going to try to remedy it and if that ends up in my failure to be reelected, that failure will be in a good cause” the President wrote to a friend.

Hechler spoke from his personal experience of President Truman’s convictions. “He always used to mention eight words from Thomas Jefferson, ‘Equal rights for all; special privileges for none,’” Hechler recounted. “And then he went on to say ‘Polls are just a snapshot of the moment; it takes courage, it takes honesty, it takes forthrightness for people in positions of leadership’ - and that’s Harry Truman’s moral compass, and his moral compass showed up in those two fantastic executive orders.”
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Please remember to pray for the American soldiers stationed everywhere around the globe and especially in Iraq. Times have been and are very tough and it would be nice if you would all just say a prayer for their safety and for their families.
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"September 11 WDYTJWD" W. P. Florence
Justice first, then peace."
"September 11" Never forget.--Tony Moses
"ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...the only way"--Phillip Story
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Keeping my head down but face toward Heaven" - - Jody Eldred, ABC News Cameraman in Kuwait
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson
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Activities and Events of Interest - - Coming Events
Milton Creagh is a 6’7”, 300-lb. former college football standout with a lively sense of humor.
“Big Milt” makes a big impact with his straight talk about important challenges facing young people, families and modern society. He will provide a workshop on diversity in education and include the importance of parental involvement, school involvement, and community involvement.

Diversity in Education is a workshop for current and future educators that explores the many ways in which students are different and how these differences impact the education process. This workshop also stresses ways to build better communication bridges and make the subject matter more relevant. Parental involvement is paramount for the success of our children. Parents teach their children how to become adults. Miltondiscusses how parents, educators, and the community can come together to provide guidance for our children.

Mr. Creagh will be speaking with educators, parents, and community leaders on August 11-13 in El Dorado, Harmony Grove, and Magnolia. There is no admission charge for the workshop.

August 11, 2008 (9:00-4:00)
El DoradoMunicipal Auditorium
El Dorado, AR

August 12, 2008 (9:00-4:00)
Harmony Grove Auditorium
Camden, AR

August 13, 2008 (9:00-4:00)
MHS Panther Arena
Magnolia, AR

Sponsored by South Central Service Cooperative
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Albemarle Employees Steak and Bingo Supper (Aug 16 @ 6:00 PM in Jr High Cafeteria)
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Special Alert: Only Weeks Away from TheCall DC on 8.16.08!
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Albemarle Fall Golf Tournament is Scheduled for Sept 20th.
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Scheduled Activities
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CQ CQ all Hams. We have restarted a 2 meter net on the Willisville repeater, 146.655, every Tuesday evening at 7 PM. Please check in and spread the word. We would like to get some renewed interest in amateur radio and the ARKLA Amateur Radio Association. Will be listening for everyone next Tuesday night.
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Columbia County Amateur Radio Club meets Every second Thursday @ 7:00 p.m. Union Street Station. And YOU'RE invited. Net is every Sunday at 20:30 on 147.105.
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MCC - Mom's Day Out - Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 2.$10 for the first child, $5 for the second. Call 234-3225 for reservations.
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MCC - Nursing Home Ministry - Meadowbrook Every Tuesday from 10 to 11 am. Taylor, the last Thursday each month.
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Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234-5655
(Non - Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)
Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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Interested in getting in touch with the Banner-News through e-mail?
E-mail addresses for communicating with the newspaper’s various departments are: news@bannernews.net For news and sports items, Coming Events, Diary, Church News, school and civic events.
advertising@bannernews. net For retail and classified advertising.
circulation@bannernews. net To start, stop or cancel newspaper delivery or for comments about delivery.
outfitters @bannernews.net For Office Outfitters, the office supply division of the Banner-News.
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"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." - - Paul Troquille
"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out." - - Tony Blair
"Information is the currency of democracy." - Jefferson
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. - Francis Bacon
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now."
Comments on the first Earth Day - James F. McClellan via "Fuzzy" Thurman
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Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.

God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
Psa 57:1-2 Gal 4:15-16 Psa 66:8-12 Ezek 3:4-9 Psa 57:7-11 http://www.e-min.org/
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII

P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E-mail at kc5hii@suddenlink.net
. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. The latest issue is usually updated sometime Saturday. For the "Blog" version just go to one of the several addresses on the web. For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. Older issues can be found at http://www.bugsbleat_q__.blogspot.com, where _ is the quarter (1, 2, 3, or 4) and __ is the year (05, 06, 07, or 08). We also have a site [http://bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com/] where we post photos that I like.
Let us hear from you if we can switch you over to the "Word" or "PDF" version of "Da Bleat".
If you'd prefer to read "Da Blog" version, just drop us a note at kc5hii@suddenlink.net and we'll switch you from e:mail delivery to "Da Bleat" Blog. We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2008 before it was sent.
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